Why is it that when people see a woman with a protruding belly, they automatically think they can say whatever comes to mind or give whatever advice they want?  As if it weren’t enough that moms-to-be are expected to happily deal with feeling exhausted. . .ALL. THE. TIME.  They must also be confronted with having the skin of a prepubescent boy, bloating ten times worse than PMS ever thought of, the gastrointestinal maladies of Beowulf, and, my personal favorite, hemorrhoids.  Oh, and that little thing called the actual baby growing inside!  It seems like the most annoying part of pregnancy is dealing with the comments from others.  Case in point. . .

Here is a woman (let’s just say it is your favorite “growing” Going Green Mom) who is entering her 28th week of pregnancy. . .there is still a ways to go. . .12 weeks seems like forever. . .and hormones are abounding!  People, please!  DO NOT PRESS YOUR LUCK!!

Today I went to a downtown sub shop (I’ll protect the name of the innocent owner) for lunch with my husband.  I won’t recount the entire story, but to that (I assume) well-meaning lady at the cash register. . .here’s some advice for YOU (especially #1!!). . .

1.  Do not ask a pregnant woman if she is having twins!  (And, yes, I’m sure!!!!)  You have now basically told this mama that I am huge and I do not need to hear that from someone who is selling me FOOD. Thank you very much!!!!

2.  This goes hand in hand with #1.  No pregnant women wants to be told how big they look or how they must be “ready to pop”, especially when they are not.  Please note that this pregnant woman’s hormones are totally out of whack to begin with and I can and will snap at any time.  To the checkout lady at Reasor’s. ..this also goes along with “oh sweetie, you will NEVER make it to July.”  I went 40+ weeks with my almost 10 lb son, so ha!!  And YES, I did need that ice cream!!

3.  Do not, I repeat, DO NOT touch a pregnant woman’s belly unless you ask first.  And if I don’t know you extremely well. . .don’t even ask!  Do people come up to you and ask to feel your stomach?  How rude!

4.  Never ask “how much weight  have you gained?”  Unless, of course, you would like to tell me how much you weigh, your age, and how big your bra is!  In case you missed anatomy class. . .there is another human growing inside me. . .I’m gonna gain some weight!!!!  But God-willing, and maybe a little help from Coach JC, I will also lose it. . .can you say the same?????

5.  Never, ever tell a pregnant woman that she looks “tired” or “worn out” that day – I think this pretty much goes for all mothers in general even if they had their kid 18 years ago. Believe me, I know when I look (and feel) like crap and do not need to hear it from (hint, hint) my co-workers, my son’s teacher. . .or my husband!!!  (I will say that my darling hubby would never dream of saying anything but the sweetest things to me, pregnant or not!!  Thanks, honey!!)

I truly do know most people mean well.  And maybe there just aren’t that many tactful remarks one can think of when talking to a woman who looks ready to deliver, at any minute, something the size of a prize-winning watermelon.   And I can appreciate that, especially if you have not ever had the experience of being pregnant, you might just be ignorant.  But as my Mama used to say “if you don’t have something nice to say. . .don’t say anything at all!!  So, beyond “You look great!” (Thanks, Melissa!!) or “Boy, you carry small” or “You’re just glowing” (Thanks, Amie!!) or any other much appreciated lies. . .just keep your lips zipped!!!!