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There are a number of things that are concerning in this. First, the social security if for the child not the adult, you need to find out who the payee is on the account. The money comes either into an account set up in the child's name (with an adult on the account) at the bank or onto a debit card. Contact the social security office and find out where the money is going. Whoever is the child's legal guardian or the mother must be the payee on the account and if there is abuse it needs to be reported. As far as the SoonerCare it is done again thru the parent or guardian, contact the DHS office and find out. You will have to jump thru some hoops and be persistent but these adults are abusing the system and these benefits are for the child. Also there is the issue of legal guardianship of this boy, until he is 18 or legally made an adult by the courts, his mother or legal guardian is responsible for him and they can make the decisions, you have NO rights what so ever and could even get into trouble. I applaud you for your willigness to help and your obvious care, but there are some definite legal issues with this situation.

Christa,

I am proud of you for taking this boy in, sounds like he really needs some guidance. I am a single mom, too, and know how hard it is to make ends meet. The only thing I would caution with having him live with you is what if something happened between him and your daughter and they break up? It wouldn't be fair to your daughter to have him living there and wouldn't be fair to him to kick him out because of their differences. You can cross that bridge down the road, but something to think about. Sounds like Sammy is just trying to collect checks and not really care for James. If he is 17, he has one more year until he's considered an adult and I am sure those checks will stop, but until then, he needs help.

Does James have a job? Is he able to work after school/weekends? I don't think it is too much to ask any 17-year-old to get a job. It will keep him out of trouble and teach him the importance of money. There is no reason he can't contribute for groceries, bills, etc.

Education is the most important thing for him, so you are doing the right thing there. Maybe he will realize working for minimum wage isn't what it's cracked up to be and start applying for junior colleges.

Good luck, you will be in my thoughts through this difficult time.

Hi there,

I live in Tulsa and almost 2 months ago my daughters boyfriend, who turned 17 in June, came to live in my home. His father is deceased and his mother left him and went into a women’s shelter in Sand Springs somewhere. It is my understanding that she is bi-polar and not well. She left him with a man that she had been living with. James (my daughters boyfriend) has been told that this man, Sammy, has legal guardianship but I checked the court dockets that are available online and can’t find anything to support this. James has said that he is supposed to be receiving Social Security benefits due to his fathers passing however these funds are somehow going to Sammy. James and Sammy did not get along and he kept threatening to take James to DHS but then would refuse to do so when it came down to it. James is not allowed back at Sammy’s house and has limited contact with his mother. He does have his learner’s permit, state ID and SS card. He knows he has Soonercare insurance but has been unable to get his card from his mother. I have been working with TPS and have a meeting set up on Monday for him to discuss with the school system his situation and get a plan together to get him caught up in school.

I am a single mother working full time and struggling as it is. I don’t qualify for assistance and have just this past week started getting help with collecting child support through DHS. However, I am not going to allow this young man to live in the street and suffer because of a situation that is out of his control. Is there anything that can be done to help me to help this young man?

Any guidance you can provide will be welcome.